What Is a Roleplaying Game: The Roleplaying Game
Disclaimer: This is a shit post. Or maybe it is a “lyric game”. You decide!
This particular roleplaying game (“RPG”) presupposes the inevitable fact that this is not your first rodeo when it comes to RPGs and that you have perhaps played one or more games where you pretend to be a person who physically harms goblins. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
To play this game, one member of your group must serve as the General Motors (GM). Ideally, this should be the person who has played the fewest RPGs. In fact, zero experience with RPGs would be best.
The object of the game is for the GM to explain the concept of “roleplaying games” to the other players assembled.
Getting Started
The GM should roll three six-sided dice (or 3d6 if they are in a hurry) to determine who the GM is pretending to be, what type of funny voice they must use, and who their audience is pretending to be.
| 1d100 | The GM is… | Their voice is… | The other players are… |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | An elf, naturally | That of a carnival barker on the hunt for a mark | Angry orcs that need to be talked down |
| 2 | A robot, hastily constructed | A whisper directly into the ear of a single person | Students, attending a seminar and taking notes |
| 3 | The last descendant of the true king, your birthright stolen by your wicked great-uncle | Magical, capable of compelling actions in others and summoning visions in their mind’s eye | Here to elect the next Pope and none of them will leave the room until a new Pope has been named |
| 4 | A bird, cursed with speech | 1930s Transatlantic | Children, pliant but restless |
| 5 | An elf, but not your typical elf | That of a mother to her infant | Playing an entirely different game |
| 6 | A RPG designer, but what do they even know about RPGs? | You gotta sing, baby | A writers’ room, always suggesting new bits ad one-upping each other’s suggestions |
How to Play
Each round (measured in approximately 10-second increments, remember to keep strict time records), the GM makes a pronouncement about what an RPG either is or is not. The players may then pepper the GM with questions, nod their heads in agreement, or vociferously voice their objections. When the GM finishes their explanation and all the other players agree that their definition includes all possible RPGs and excludes anything that couldn’t possibly be an RPG, then the game is over. None of the players should ever play a roleplaying game again seeing as they have solved the age-old question. Your work here is done.
